Monday, May 14, 2007

another miracle from God

Today was my very first day for Summer. I'm currently taking College Algebra and was answering some problems when I felt like I was being told to check out our Philo 200 professor's website and check out if he has already released our grades. so I went to

and checked out my grade.

Just imagine my surprise when I saw that I, represented by my chosen number ****, got a really good grade on our Final Exam!! Yes, and hanggang ngayon, di pa rin ako makahinga sa tuwa. I was crying silently and thanking God for such a miracle--although napapaisip din ako na baka natypo error si sir. I pray to God na hindi nga. I found the final exam soooo difficult na feeling ko e swerte nako sa C.

As I kissed my mom last night, ngumiti siya and I went up to my room and cried. Alam ko kasi na nadisappoint ko na naman sila. Wala na, mababa na naman ang grade ko. Ang bigat sa loob, parang diko kaya. Tapos na guilty pa ako kasi binilhan pa ako ng damit when we went shopping kahapon. I feel so unworthy. Feeling ko, sana ginawa nalang nila akong tagabitbit. Magdadalawang linggo na akong ganito ka-down. Para akong sinasakal.

When I saw my grade, I was so happy na feeling ko tinangay na ng hangin ang mga problema ko. I was so thankful to God. Lahat ng ito naging posible dahil sa Kanya.

Naalala ko tuloy yung Post-It note na nakadikit sa may study table ko.

Trust in the Lord
Have faith, do not despair
Trust in the Lord.

P.S. God, I will do na what I have promised.

Friday, May 11, 2007

pets, nostalgia, and mistakes

Because I posted my blog in the Blog Review Thread of TeenTalk, I thought it would only be fitting to post some updates regarding my crappy life for the past few weeks. So, here they are.


May 5, 2007--we had a very special visitor. Okay, so we had Tom, Uncle Ross's friend, but nah, he's not the special visitor I was talking about. I'm talking about his pet dog--the super adorable yellow Labrador--Willie.

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Awwww. Just look at that nut! Isn't he cute?? *freaks out*
Anyway, I was so thrilled to have a pet dog even just for 2 days. Tom went here in SD to attend some kind of convention for gold miners thingy and he went there with my aunt and uncle and left Willie with us. Mom and Dad love dogs too and they allowed me to postpone my designated household chores to play with him. He's a jolly dog (not Jollidog--he's not food.. LOL) and he perked up my sinking happiness. We played fetch, walked (and ran) around the neighborhood (while he peed on every mailbox we passed and for the finale, pooped on the lawn of the last house.. ), lied down while I scratched his stomach , danced, and last but definitely not the least, CAMWHORED (pictures here!!) Willie is a very disciplined dog I won't hesitate to admit that he's more obedient than me. LOL

But then, Sunday came. We left for Church. As much as I want to go home early to play with him, my parents insisted on shopping at the mall, and it was about 3pm when we got home--and found that Willie (and his owner, Tom) had gone back to ND.

And there, it ended--my temporary happiness.

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Goodbye Willie, 'til we meet. Thanks for livening up my life.

Speaking of happiness, it's been a long time since I last laughed heartily. I just came to realize that ever since we left the Philippines, I've never been lonelier. I miss our relatives, my friends, our house, my room--and most especially, my pets. I never knew such longing will exist when they're not around anymore. I long for the softness of their fur, their paws, and how harot they were everytime they greet us at the gates of our house. It was a very big difference of that when returning from a trip and being welcomed by cheery barks and cats that rub their heads on your jeans, wanting to be cuddled than that, upon arrival at the doorsteps of this house, I'm about to go straight to my cold, lonely room.

Every night, I always open up my high school yearbook. Memories seemed to jump out of every page. While flipping its pages, a pang of nostalgia hits my heart--like a bunch of needles soaring to pierce the balloon of happiness in my soul. I long for the happy moments we shared-- the pranks we played, the jokes we cracked--the impersonations, the laughter. I miss them all. And it hurts me so much when it crosses my mind that these will never happen again.


Spring Semester 2007 officially ended on Tuesday, May 8, 2007. With that, I have taken my final exams for SOC 100(May 2) & PHIL 200.

This sem started so well I never knew it would end so badly. My grades were on constant high, but it went downhill ever since I got very low grade on a quiz on Philo. The final exams were so difficult my hopes for a decent grade were fading.

Naalala ko tuloy nung September 2005. I failed on Chem (midterms)--my first ever failing grade. It felt as if the whole world had swallowed me. I was so discouraged. I cried the whole night and prayed that I won't wake up the next morning. It was so depressing. I was so down. But still, I had my friends and relatives who comforted me and helped me increase my grade. And then, with God's help, I was able to pull it off for my finals.

Now, I feel alone. I can't confide this problem with my parents. I have given them enough disappointment. I can't give them more. Yes, I know God's there, but it seemed as if my problems have deafened me from His words. I feel so far away from everyone.


SDSU sent me a mail yesterday, asking me for an international transcript evaluation where I paid a whopping $160 and was required by my Algebra professor to purchase an Internet service for $80 and a calculator for $35. WES required me to ask a copy of my transcript from SLU, but my former University hasn't replied yet. So there goes--Filipino procrastination, will cause the delay of my transfer papers. Darn it.

I hate my life now. As far as happiness is concerned, I'm no more but dead.


To the people who are reading this, I am sorry to have given you such an inappropriate update. But thanks for reading it anyway.

God bless us all.